Sample Chapter 3

THE GODS: 19 years of strife under possession

Part III: Rise of luminous gods                 Section 2: Wounds of  the present

She is my killed wife

Ignorance is bliss

The phrase drove straight in my head on March 24 ’07 and shattered the happiness of married life dwelling in us   on account of ignorance. I was only short of crying in pain  when Dansatim told that Swati had killed my wife and usurped her psyche for settling  her past revenge with Tanrinnar who threw her representative in fire.

How does one feel at such moments? Initially I rejected   the information in disbelief. But, slowly events and scenarios of past started revolving with a new meaning, new interpretation and new understanding related to countless unhappy episodes of our married life spanning as far back as four decades. They kept hammering my head and  heart one by one; and, my large ship of married life loaded with short-lived bitterness and longer feelings  of happiness was unable to throw away  my past in the sea to keep it load free. In the beginning it   was sinking slowly, and when I turned helpless to keep it afloat, a wham!

It dipped and sank with a load of unloadable lead.  I could not cry, “Oh, Swati killed my wife barely two months after our marriage!” A mute me was reacting to my past with a mind already frigid.

I recounted a day of Baku in November 1976, trying to recollect the interpreter’s face as familiar and seen somewhere in past. A flash struck, this was the face of my wife in her young age. But what an irony, even at that age the lady with me with a similar face was not my wife. Saab was already over in my fair girl friend. It was a Swati wearing the body of Saab to punish me for what had happened to Dansatim at Tanrev.  Narration of the charred spirit was irrefutable in view of the events in my life.

I was an ignorant and happy man so long my past butchered by Swati lay in darkness of unawareness.  Event of my wife’s unusual death and usurping of her body by Swati was related to a surgical operation under anesthesia on October 10, 1963. She had given a vivid account of her death and return to life after operation. Narration of Dansatim shattered the glass vase in my drawing room with ornamental fishes of sweet memories. Little creatures were jumping on the floor, out of water; events of my happiness were now interwoven with threads of anger and sorrow due to Swati.

I was only recollecting the event when my wife died and lived again to give me company because her soul was not ready to leave me alone. It was an illusion, however; her soul did not return, I realized after the communication from Dansatim. The new soul in the body of my wife was a proxy of Swati parsina. My wife was now merely a left behind custodian psyche and physical self of an erstwhile living real wife with a soul and spirit planted by Swati. Control of soul over the left behind psyche and body was that of  Swati; and, the alien  goddess  had used her forcibly  acquired apparatus to fill me with tension, gloom and unhappiness at most enjoying moments of life like the releasing of ‘Science of Consciousness’ at Nehru Science Centre of Mumbai on June 27 ’97.

Rejection reaction

We see nothing in the dark room and feel nothing in darkness except heat and cold of atmosphere. However, when a little hole in the roof brings a sunbeam in the room things come in our sight and additional events of happiness, fear and sorrow appear.  In the sight could be a glass of water for the thirsty and drying up throat, scorpions and an anaconda along with a dead body of a dear bitten by the snake may also be there. Narration of Dansatim had opened a hole in the roof of knowledge and the falling beam of light revealed many things of past unexplained or never thought of.

My wife and I was a pair of compatible souls when we came in contact three years before marriage. On the level of souls all men fall only under two categories: effulgent or white and dark or melanic – depending upon base of soul as Sitattadhar and Malinattadhar (1). Both of us belonged to white type. Killing of my wife and usurping her psyche by Swati – a   dark goddess of night – meant turning my wife’s personality into dark type. Our pair was wrecked. My reaction towards Swati occupying my wife surfaced soon. I wished to renounce her and be an ascetic as seen in the diary of my wife.

My subconscious yearned for abandoning goddess Swati in contrast to conscious self crazy for seeing happiness in association of a young and loving wife and enjoying the world in her company. The possessed physical self and psyche of my wife – committed to me and my love before our marriage and due to association of past lives – felt very unhappy at the situation.  She had to live an insecure life due to the revenge of Swati who was now giving a feeling to my wife that her husband  will abandon her (as I abandoned Dansatim in past).

Problem with my subconscious was that I was not finding a compatible soul in my partner existing till two months after our marriage. Self of my wife was now bereft of allegiance to me, and Swati on her head was turning her into a negative character.  My wife was unaware of my problem at psyche level; and, she   could never imagine that her loved husband was feeling like leaving her so soon after her marriage.  Swati occupied my wife and wreaked our marriage to her satisfaction. But body and psyche of a dead beloved Saab in her was enough to pull us on the track of married life together with love in spite of acrid interjections by Swati occasionally.

I was able to see in vision little fires on the ground before my visit to Baku in November ‘06. After Dansatim’s narration of tragedy in my life, I smiled at the benevolent Saptarchi. She had continued to preserve the warmth of love between my wife and I for 43 years after a violent Swati killed her due to past hatred. Volcanic fire of   Swati was in flames once in Ararat Mountains but died long ago. Little fire of Saptarchi of Baku, worshipped by my ancestor Angirasas, continues to kindle the hearts of people in love till date. The goddess helped us surviving through the high waves of crisis in our marital life. 

Progeny for persecution

In her diary of March 6, 1976, my wife expressed her view that I could be free to leave the world and take to loneliness after our two sons settled.  We never knew on the date that my dead wife was merely a body and psyche bereft of soul. The wife begetting the children was Swati and my real wife was just her medium for the purpose. True mother of children was not my actual wife; she was only a surrogate mother for Swati. 

Our sons two were under the command of their real mother Swati and she begot them for making us unhappy. We were planning to leave the world and take to isolation after settling the sons with their wives. Their real mother Swati, however, scuttled the process. First son refused to marry with a girl suggested by me – a daughter of my friend. Result:  Swati and he landed me in legal cases dragging me into courts for fifteen years after his first marriage. When he married second time, Dansatim already had her designs to set his wife on fire, materializing on January 22 ‘06. Swati’s latest operation disabled me to walk away from the world to isolation. My elder son landed in my home during summer of 2006 with his two children. My plans to peace through isolation came to an end with the grandchildren without their mother.

The second son of ours wanted to visit his mother with family in November 2006 after departing from her with a medium of Swati in August 1993.  The couple was on cross wavelength with my wife due to behavior under command of Swati. My wife’s decision was: no entry for them in her home.

Swati achieved her target of inducing unhappiness in me in terms of worldly minds by forcing dismemberment of the family, death of the daughter-in-law and dragging us in the world for childcare when we have turned old.

Saab is nearby

Turns and twists in life leave us sometimes in no different than a helpless spectator of an entangled, messed up knitting yarn. Nothing remains understandable and resolvable in a heap of woolen thread beyond its two ends; and, we would do nothing except creating worse and messier situations if we try to untangle the yarn. Reconciliation and leaving things as such remains the only solution even if the mind and the irritations within are irresistible.

After looking into the pros and cons of a departed soul of my wife and a left behind psyche and body occupied by Swati, my initial decision was to forget the one who departed and to live happily with the one with me even if she was half of the original wife. After all we had spent 43 years without any serious problems. She had remained the same non-demanding self of the girl whom I married. An exercise to locate a second life of the departed soul of my wife around me was madness in view of the vastness of earth surface and liberty of soul to be anywhere on it. Why should the soul be around me? And, even if I discover whose body is holding the departed soul, my finding will bring no positive result. New body of my wife will not have even the slightest memory of our love in the life preceding the marriage, nor would she recount the tragedy of her death in her past life.

But the feeling to meet the new life of the past wife was not ready to leave me in spite of my knowledge that it was no more than eccentricity.  Why do I yearn for locating my past wife? I had no answer; but, a continuous   gloom was not ready to leave me, turning my mind ever restless and enquiring “where did the departed spirit of my wife go leaving me alone after Swati ejected it from body?”

Swati could kill my wife but surely she cannot kill Saab – goddess-seven-fires. The spirit must be around me somewhere; Saab or Saptarchi will not let her go far away from me was an undying feeling. Even survival of my wife at the operation table was enigmatic after her spirit and soul moved away.   wife was not a Brahm and hence she cannot be a Braahman or Abraham; and, excluding Abrahams, none can survive with a psyche and body as an active psyche. Unless Saab supported her psyche some how after the departure of her soul, she would not have lived to give me company.  My wife acted most of the time as my helping mate even under the command of Swati; and, unless Saab or Saptarchi backed her, such a behavior was not possible.

Soul has little problem in such uncommon situations because it is an object capable of supporting more than one psyche + physical unit or living individual.  In case of identical twins, soul is only one but it supports two psyches, two spirits and two physical bodies of two individuals. Base body of soul or attadhar is a ‘thought-hologram’ and   remains external to the physical or psychic self. When we cut a hologram into two or ten, the features of the hologram remain complete and same in all the fragments. A soul may split into two or more under specific circumstances to support more bodies; and, unite into a single unit when the requirement is over. I had a simple logic after writing ‘Science of Consciousness’ and ‘Structure of Soul’ and  recounting my experience with Augandh at Ankara – my new life after Malun killed me. His hrit remains connected with mine because his and my soul is one; and, for our soul we are a twin of different age groups begotten by different mothers. Identical twins have a single soul and two bodies borne of a single mother.

It is possible due to the property of the soul to maintain more than one boy at a time anywhere on earth.  The same principle must apply to my wife and her new life, I concluded. There is a possibility that my wife could tell me by hunch, who her new life is if the girl is known to us.

I explained to my wife the communication of Dansatim and also my experience with Augandh in Ankara. I asked her to locate the mirror image of her self , if she could. It was possible for her. She gave me a name without much thinking.

“You are right”, I said without hesitation.  An occasion of 2001, 38 years, 2 months and 11 days after our marriage, had brought the hrits of my wife, the girl and mine into unison with an impeccable proof of accurate identification of her new life.

A girl in desperation

A married girl entered in my home on October 20, 2001 – lonely and with her head covered with a scarf in a typical Muslim style. Her husband and son were not with her, and her look was distressing. She had come to us for our advice and guidance without informing her parents. We were her hope in the misery sinking  the life of Sabina.

Saabina’s conditions changed fast in the home of her husband soon after her last visit to us in 1999. Initially it was   a discomfort, which turned soon into persecution by the mother-in-law. Her husband was unable to oppose the atrocities of his mother upon his wife and son. Consequences were obvious. Their marriage moved on the rails of failure very fast. Sabina had no option but to leave the home of her husband and get back to the parents to avoid survival in a humiliating situation.

Woes of the girl were no less distressing even in the home of her parents. Her father was very noble but helpless before her mother who was deadly against her marriage in Muslim community. It was now her turn to make the daughter to suffer for marrying a Muslim boy against her wishes. The girl had to be a mother of her second child when she reached her parents.  The old lady saw her daughter as a burden and her next child adding to it. The mother in spite of her unwillingness imposed an abortion upon her. Misery and desperation drove the lovely girl, playing at our home in her childhood, to my new home when she was in thirties. She wanted some advice to cope up with the stress sinking her into depression.

My instructions to Sabina were brief and straight after she was lighter at heart, pouring her miseries in my head.

“First thing you have to do is to throw away the scarf of your head. You are a daughter of the home; and, I have never seen you in such a bad form earlier. You were an ever happy child. You have to behave like our daughter and become the same smiling girl once again,” I said and continued “You are a well educated and well qualified teacher. Take up a job in some respectable school of our town. And, be very clear in your mind, you have addressed us as mummy-papa in your childhood; and, for us you are our daughter who is not a burden at all. If you feel you are not respected  while staying with your parents, come to us with your son and stay here. This house is as much as yours as ours; and, do not hesitate even for a moment to be with us whenever you feel like .Our loneliness will melt away with your coming.”

The consoled child left our home through the side door. She was looking intently at Kaba room before walking on the car passage to the gate.

My wife raised an unexpected question   minutes after departure of Sabina, “Why did you tell her that she can stay in the Kaba room? After all she is staying with her parents; and, unless you have talked to them, it is not fair to invite her to stay with us.” 

I was astonished. “It is not so at all; it is you who invited her to come to us.   I heard you telling her to come and stay in the room,” I replied.

Situations and experiences were not new to us when communications are heard without speaking.

On her visit to my home, the girl alone had thought of staying in the room to combat her misery if it worsened. Hrits of we three were connected and communicative. The girl and my wife were the two bodies of the same soul.  The two together were my wife at the level of psyche and spirit. If the girl thought of staying in the Kaba room her feelings were available to my wife as well as me simultaneously.

In worldly transactions of the event involving the minds of trio, I ‘heard’ my wife telling the girl to stay in Kaba room while vice versa was with my wife. It was possible only if a single soul supported the two females – my wife ‘dead’ on October 10, 1963 and her new life born 6 years after the incidence. I was their husband at the level of psyche. My hrit remained joined to theirs under the rule of nature. Husband-wife pair is a single self at the level of psyche.

Plight of Dansatim

Dansatim had seen a day in March ’07 when Swati was a fallen goddess, unable to command the active spirit.  She could recount her feelings of jumping in the fire due to the agony of not meeting her husband 8200 years ago.  Her unfulfilled wish before death was to be my loving wife; and, in the moments of emotion the spirit wanted that I kill her once again for wifehood in a new life. Such a situation did not last long; the goddess was once again in a commanding position and Dansatim must obey her. I recorded on September 12, ’07 “Dansatim on the head of B (my wife), drawing energy from her and pushing into my hrit for confusing in mantra recitation. Decided for ‘Rakshohan’* on the night of 10th (*ritual to kill).”  The ritual would have mutilated and ‘killed’ Dansatim like Malun. It would create more problems than solving, however, it looked. Extreme step against active spirit would merely punish a helpless slave of Swati without helping the spirit in distress.

I could understand the helplessness of Dansatim’s spirit – weeping as my wife in the moment of her desperation. Not only had she had to observe an imposed separation from her husband but also to work for his death under a commanding Swati parsina.  The fairy wanted to marry me, but she was under control of a powerful witch who wished to execute my murder by the very dame. Active spirit of Dansatim   could never be free unless I ‘kill’ Swati was a truth too harsh to deny.  If I leave Dansatim to her fate without helping her, Swati was bound to attempt to chase and kill me in my future lives too.

Options before me were very limited indeed.