Part – III

Rise of luminous gods

Section 2: Wounds of the present

Grief of Dansatim

Kill me once again

Communication from Dansatim was painful and perplexing both. It was painful because I could never imagine that a Swati was living in the body of my wife; and, perplexing because I had no solution to help Dansatim whose active spirit had waited over 8200 years in a miserable charred state hoping for a day of reprieve. She was in pain but I had no solution to her suffering. Even my own life was running out energy to deal with complex problems and situations before me. Dansatim’s case was worse than mine – hopeless as well as helpless.

No one speaks while communicating with spirits. Dansatim spoke nothing; hers was just a mental communication. My thoughts too were bare before Dansatim. She could see the helplessness of her coward husband once again. I could do nothing to help or give solace to the charred active spirit of my past wife – Dansatim.

Dansatim continued in her communication in response of my helplessness “At least you can kill me once again.  Spirit of Malun hated you, bonded to her goddesses Lonkha and Swati. You killed her. She turned into a new baby. I saw you in love with her. Playing with her as child and treating her as a beloved when she was twelve. Malun was none for you, but you cared after she had a new body discarding the goddesses controlling her spirit. I am your wife and I died for you.  Swati bonds me inseparably because I have ruled as Swati parsina.

 Kill me once again as you killed Malun. When I have a new body, you will love me surely. I will not be an ugly charred skeleton as I am now. I will be a beautiful girl like the new life of Malun. You will love me and join me as my husband.”

Her desire and aspirations sank me in a quicksand of pain. She has been waiting in a dream for 8200 years. Even spirits live in hope, I realized.  Dansatim was ready for getting killed once again, even as a spirit, in a hope of getting a human body and her past husband.

Dansatim has no concept that there is something called energy of age in a physically living human being. Her observation that I was in love with Malun after she reached 12 years of age even if I was above sixty was right.  It is possible within a certain age range in a psychic self. But Dansatim would not understand that Malun’s spirit was born after two years of death. And, even if I kill Dansatim for a new life, I needed another 14 years to see her in a new human body before I fall in love with her.   I was not left with fourteen years of life; and, even if I lived I was out of age in the psychic domain to accept her as wife at that age.

Dansatim’s case had no solution when she touched the abyss of dejection and depression on March 24 ’07. I could not caress the back of my charred wife like Sunglow to impart her hope of future and strength of mind to tolerate her pain for a few more years. I was to die and she had to continue as a charred self till destiny brought us together in future.

 She was grieving and I was a helpless spectator, unable to share her grief or to give her hope. The irony in the destiny of Tanrinnar and Dansatim flashed after 8200 years for a solution of their incomplete marriage.     But neither god Sun nor goddess Swati could help a marriage bond created after killing Tyrut in past and slaughtering Saab in the present. Swati killed my wife and usurped her psyche to punish me but the goddess has no heart to feel the pain of the charred and ugly looking spirit of her medium Dansatim. She has no love for the girl jumping in fire to caress her back to console her sinking heart or rub balm on her bruised and aching feelings.

 That is where men and spirits differ from dark gods like Swati who don’t know the meaning of love and mercy. In spite of all the suffering and torture inflicted by Swati upon me and Dansatim being an instrument to carry out the vile acts for Swati against me, I noted her misery and was eager to  help her because she was weeping like  my past wife even as a spirit. She too was grieving before me for help and relief because I was her protecting man. My heart did ache for a wife of the past who remained virgin and burnt herself in fire. She also noted my consoling heart, mind and intention to help her.