Part – I

Survival

Section 3: Volcano goddess on rampage

Siva and Vishnu under attack

Vishnu discarded

I was in the temple of Vishnu at Puri in February ’87 within days of my possession by the Khasi queen. Soul of Amrapali, base of Buddhist Tantra in India and medium of Swati long ago, was with Malun on my head for her revenge during my visit. Vishnu was Swati’s first target because He is my family deity and remained a strong source for drawing of psychic energy for me due to emotional ties with my deity. I used to celebrate the birth event of Krishna annually on a large scale since long, and humanoid Krishna was Vishnu for me.

My home had three items related to Vishnu. My wife and I worshiped a painting of Krishna daily. Additionally, three wooden replicas of prime idols of Krishna, Balram and Subhadra in the temple of Jagannath at Puri, were in the showcase of my drawing room. A brass statue of Vishnu was also placed at a suitable place of respect.

I was at my home at Dehradun after my retirement at Mumbai aware of a simple fact: I’ve survived in Tantra of my alien at Mumbai but the price paid is heavy. My manojav or psychic powers were near zero in the attrition between Swati and me. She had found her old medium in my wife at Dehradun; and, her activity to draw and deplete the remaining energy in my chest was continuing. I was in a state of exhaustion and depression by May ‘98.

 I faced a major problem at Dehradun just after reaching there on March 1, ’98 – vacating my official residence by May. I was running from morning to evening in search of a residence in a suitable locality, but people were reluctant to rent their houses to a retired person. During such stressful and depressing days, Swati played her card of forcing negative thoughts upon me best. Vishnu was worshipped in my home daily with devotion and positive feelings since 1973. My apparatus of feeling called hrit was now under her total command; and, I thought only what she commanded me to think. The commanding goddess now skewed it against Vishnu.

An image of Vishnu of Puri floated before me often those days in a painting hung in the drawing room of the house where my elder son was married in ‘91. His marriage crashed on rocks. A lady had gifted me three little replicas of the idols of deities of Puri temple in ‘96. She was taking me to Mauritius but I had a disgraceful exit from her tour due to V.B. There was also an occasion in ’92 when a person of Puri Temple told my wife, “Your visit to the temple will bear no fruits.” Events like these were projecting Krishna negatively in my mind under the force of Swati during three stressful months after returning from Bombay.

I left my official residence on June 4 ’98. My everyday worshiped painting of Krishna and replicas of the idols of worshipped-trio in the temple of Puri were discarded a day before my departure from the residence. Brass statue of Vishnu was gifted to some one before leaving the residence.

Swati made me to fall in line with the mother of V.R. who threw away of the painting of Krishna in 1989 and the priest of Tapakeshvar Temple who was cursing Shiva in 1993. Like the two I also succumbed to possession and commanding force of the goddess who hated me and my deity Vishnu with equal force.

My discarding of long worshiped Vishnu was a triumphant event for Swati in June 1998. A human being had succumbed to the power of the goddess and obeyed her like a dog under the command of his owner. The goddess showed me that I am no better than a dog for her.

I accepted my defeat with remorse when the strength of manojav and senses were   back to me in mid-2007. I was, however, fighting still against the goddess, and counted the event of 1998 merely as a major defeat in a battle but not a total defeat in the continuing war against Swati.

Who dares wins was glittering still on the Indian Army Jeep in the moments of my realization about my deprecating defeat nine years ago. Their glitter was as bright as 45 years ago in June ’07.

“Our war will continue till I finish Swati,” I muttered in June ‘07.